rollercoaster.

sometimes i look back at past entries...did i really do tt thing i did?! lol. did i feel how i feel tt time? like when i was so angry....i used harsher words...but then. ytd i really had great fun n laugh like siao. everyone laughed until damn tired n wanted to stop laughing. haha. but we epic phailed. so more or less went hme with stitches. it was great fun to the max. simple gathering, but for the first time, we all talk abt sth else besides work. we came up with loads of fun lines, and jonnyzhiming has become the new expletive. LOL. first gathering i felt really happy with my uni frens. usually its juz in sch nia. but now..... :)) and with more events coming up....i hope we really wun be juz unimates, mates who see each other in sch n no where else. hopefully i'm not over optimistic.

but point is, i was unhappy with one of them juz a few weeks back, how could we laugh so much ytd together? i genuinely wanted to laugh with them, and wanted them to laugh with me. everyone was bashing one another, but it was all in jolly good fun. how could my feelings change so much in such a short time?!

i've always been very rash, saying things i quickly regret and wanting them back. then something happen again, and i'll be okay with my words again. why do i swing so much?? why cant i be of firm mind and decisive abt my life?? i dun really mind the leecher thing (not so much anw), but now i'm curious why i felt so hurt tt time...it seems........like its way back.....it doesnt seem like i could be angry with her now.

(ooh. sounds like freddie. "now i can imagine her...." omg. too much 207 really makes one nuts.)

ah well.

on a side note..i feel bad and guilty. des helped me for my essay, staying with me til so late to talk thru my points. but ended i had good grades n not him. i feel.....really guilty. why cant we both have good grades? it mighten have mattered as much? but now.....haiz...i feel really bad lae. n guilty. n sorry. without him, i couldnt have gotten the A. planned to msn him n tell him myself n thanked him, but shi hui let e cat out n his shock hit me like a punch. sorry for the cliche. i couldnt look at him for a while. haiz. i'm really grateful...and sorry as well...........

6:31 PM ┬╖